art, FOR ARTS SAKE.

2008-12-30T12:04:00.000-08:00

this past weekend, we were in austin to see a concert. we had gone to see the all girl punk band called finally punk who happened to be playing with a few throwback punk/hardcore as well as a couple of post-punk kind of bands.
the first of the punk bands was called life trap, they are from tennessee and were pretty impressive. the singer was somewhat fashioned after henry rollins in that he looks like he lives a double life as a navy seal or some other special ops sort of thing. the other band members were straightforward, fast playing punk kids.
finally punk played and it was pretty much what i expected, good songs frazzled with seemily little practice.

i left the show with an idea that i turned into a mediocore story:
whilest i was in austin, i saw a wonderful magician. his stage act includes only one trick, but the crowd loves it and always yearns for a second act. his trick makes use of a blind golden retriever, which stands in the audience, as he stands on stage. the trick is getting the dog to take this very plain dog food from his hand, which he does through means much like any dog owner would feed his dog. and the crowd goes wild after seeing the dog takes the food from the other dogs hand.

love and flowers

not this weekend, but last weekend

2008-11-22T09:39:00.000-08:00

last weekend, chase and i went down, or west, to austin to see a band at emo's. it was a long drive, and we played 20 questions, which for some reason, i thought was 21 questions on the ride home. we got to austin at about 9 and went to my aunts house for a short while before going to emo's. the band we went to see was canada's aids wolf. chase and i had seen them before so we kind of knew what to expect, the loudest live music i'd ever heard. but my cousin, brian, whom we had picked up from my aunts house, had little idea as to what he was going to see. aids wolf started at about 1 after two other bands, the first of which was a two piece band that i have little to say about. the next band, was a trio, and they seemed to be a bad DNA rip off. aids wolf was next. i had talked to the singer, chloe, for a brief while before the second band, but she was preoccupied with talking with another person. when the band came out, the three males of the group were dressed in ghostbuster uniforms missing the emblems and when chloe came out shortly after, she was dressed as some sort of sequined robin hood, with a while line crossing her face and over her nose. the music started and it was pretty much what i expected, blasting, noisy, rockin' and rollin'. luckily, this time chase and i realized we needed to have some sort of ear protection this time so we wouldn't feel the blistering repercussions of full on aids wolf. the music was so intense and i felt comfort in the fast noisy music and danced as chloe terrorized 16 yr old boys in the crowd with her stage antics. after the music was done, chase and i were both really excited and went back to the merch table to see about t shirts and other things. again, i started conversation with chloe, i told her that chris said hi, and she blankly starred at me until i felt i should explain myself. she introduced herself and stuck out her hand, i grabbed it and introduced myself and she began gripping my hand tightly. early, when she was pushing the 16 yr olds around, i told myself that if she came towards me and tried anything, i would push her back, chase later told me he had made a similar deal with himself. so put in this situation, i decided to squeeze as tightly as i could and stare back at her. we got 3 shirts total and she threw in a couple of buttons. it was a really fun time.

Winter-time almost

2008-11-10T18:38:00.000-08:00

Today was kind of a good day I think. I didnt do very much of anything, except play video games about farming and go to composition forum, an after school program of sorts that is mandatory for all composition majors that becomes more and more pointless each time it meets. But as the days pass, I feel like I wish I was doing something more, and that I want it more than yesterday. But then I do about the same things that I did the previous day. I have written some music, but it hasnt progressed to the level that I want.

Stevie, our 4 month old puppy, has gotten bigger weve noticed and is still really rambunctious. She is the cutest puppy I have seen close up.

love

2008-08-02T22:41:00.000-07:00

life can be so stressful sometimes.

shutting up recorded a 7 song ep today that comes in at 7:57. at first i wasn't happy about the way we decided to go about recording one of my favorite songs, the death of bob loblaw, but later, after having talked to chase, and listening to it a few more times, it doesn't really bother me.
also, we're all moved in for the most part, except for chris, and we have panththherrrr's drum set in the middle of the living room. i am pretty proud of it.

all in all, i am really happy to be living with my closest friends, and with my brother coming up here in a few weeks, i will be as happy as ever.

my brother is the greatest person alive.

love

only a drummer playing guitar

2008-05-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

i used to really want to be a drummer, and play drums. but the other day, i was thinking about why i wanted to play drums so much and not guitar. it seems like maybe i wanted that because drummers are less expressive than a singer or other instrumentalist would be. in my head, i said, "i wanted to play drums because i was afraid of expressing myself. people don't care about what i have to say." i think i probably still feel this way, but have stopped caring as much maybe, but in this new endeavor to start a doo wop band, and write lyrics and sing harmonies, i find myself torn, and afraid. i listen to bands like the smiths, peter and the wolf, and voxtrot, and although each sometimes have their moments of cheese and lackluster, the music still really intimidates me. it burns a fire that i want to feed, and spread.

i love you

beauty in safe travels

2008-05-13T21:16:00.001-07:00

2008-04-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

dimes are for quarters
lemons are for limes

i am from mars
i love candy bars

time for a shower
if only it rhymed

2008-04-29T13:25:00.000-07:00

Lately, i have this urge to play lots of music, and learn a lot about my friends, and see different places and people, but I don't think that's how I'm supposed to feel.
Summer time is near, and I have summer school and work. But I want to do neither and instead, join my brother on a train trip to Wisconsin, or a road trip across the u.s.

i love you.

2008-04-22T06:45:00.000-07:00

lately, i have been spending less time watching television, which i guess is a good thing, but, i have no idea what i have been doing instead.

i love you

world world world

2008-04-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

i have these ideas that i need to start new bands, and start writing as much music as possible. i want to start a boring pop band, and i guess i say boring because i can probably only come up with really cheesy lyrics, and an even worse doo wop band with terrible vocal harmonies.
Also, this past weekend, Andee and I went to austin to see voxtrot, which i guess is probably my sixth time to see them, and it gave me a renewed love for the austin music scene, as opposed to my last time in austin, in which i went to some warehouse for a hardcore band and some noise show. Maybe it just wasn't my kind of show, and maybe I was having a bad night, but I was really uncomfortable most of the time.
Maybe I should make some sort of folk solo "album".
I guess I now view parts of austin for what chris said they were, sometimes open-minded musicians who want to promote and listen to you and whatever you want to do. They're there to help you, or play music with, or whatever you want. Although they also sometimes seem pretentious, angry, and or conceited, but maybe that's everywhere.
I think I will just try and spend more time there over the next few months to decide how it really makes me feel.

love

2008-03-22T19:17:00.000-07:00

drop drup drap
life's so very long
when you live this way

dom dum dam
gimme gimme love
do something grey now

and be here tomorrow?
i think not.
i'd rather be blue.

chase can't drive 55 but i can drive 53, 54?

2008-03-03T08:13:00.000-08:00

Her transparent skin was wrapped around half smoked, hand-rolled cigarettes that were her fingers clinched round the pen I handed her. I replied to her question with dishonest hospitality. The oxygen pumped. Her eyes sank through bifocaled lenses into a gap in my forehead. She continued in a daze and the transaction was complete.

Another joke? Who cares what it looks like, just... Is it really that funny? Just don't hold me so tight. I'd rather lay in your satchel. At least there I don't feel so alone. It is colder there, but your hand is too rough for me. Just leave me here, I don't want to feel alone.

2008-02-22T08:07:00.001-08:00

I realized my biggest fear last night. I was kind of depressed, and something my aunt said came to mind.

This is pretty much how life is. Its really hard sometimes and it's f***ed up. But sometimes it will even out and reach some sort of equilibrium. You have to cherish those times. But you need to know, that we love you, no matter what.

My biggest fear is that she knows exactly what she's talking about. That life is just overwhelming depression. It became a counter for my reason for life.

my "poetry"

2008-02-13T19:55:00.000-08:00

it was brought to my attention that poetry, that the stuff i usually send to my friends as poetry, is really just a rough draft of poetry that is usually inspired by some strong emotion that i feel. but i never seem to try and work on making it better in anyway, its always just spur of the moment, and that is all i really need it to be i think. thanks for being my friends and being supportive maybe?

2008-02-12T13:10:00.000-08:00

the internet seems to be my worst enemy right now.

life goals of a twenty one and a half year old

2008-02-11T15:52:00.000-08:00

1. keep Andey safe
2. keep Andey happy when possible
3. be able to support myself and a family
4. go to europe
5. go to new york
6. go to california
7. release a shutting up cd
8. be close to my friends
9. release a cd on some sort of label
10. speak spanish somewhat fluently
11. speak german somewhat fluently
12. speak italian somewhat
13. speak french somewhat
14. try to learn an asian language
15. find out why my poetry is bad and make it good, but only if making it good allows me to feel im expressing myself better
16. secret
17. be at all of Andy's art opening and support him
18. love the people i already love, as much as possible, and love others also
19. get Andee to start designing clothes and support her
20. try to get Chris to release something on a label and support him
21. support Chase and George in anything they do
22. get mom a log cabin in colorado and visit her
23. love dad
24. live life as a nomad, if only for a month
25. get a drum set
26. be able to play guitar really well
27. meet morrissey
28. meet david byrne
29. see a mars volta concert
30. live in a loft
31. own a large van or an rv
32. own a telecaster
33. design clothes i really like
34. paint
35. read often
36. write often

2008-02-08T11:42:00.001-08:00

overthink overthink
analysis
overanalyze
why worry when
you can be blissfully ignorant (.com)
"It's just a movie dear.
Calm down."
She says
from the anterior prefontal cortex.
It's all in front of your eyes.
It's all a lie.
Don't let it fester but
don't let it leave.

But then the distance
it changes from miles
to..
to be distant
it's the way to bring hunger.
Fascination with Halley's Comet.
Andee Nicole.

Preface

2008-02-08T11:40:00.000-08:00

When not well-read enough to be interesting, I am cliche.